I’m a bad person. Not so bad as to say, be sent to be somebody’s butt buddy in prison….. buuuuuut perhaps just bad enough to receive a swift smack in the ass once in a while.
I don’t mind though. Why? Because if someone is going to spank me, then I’m allowed to give them a good spanking back…. and who doesn’t enjoy a good spanking once in a while?
Apparently there’s quite a debate on each side of the issue, which I would love to weigh in on, but unfortunately, my company has blocked my every attempt to learn more about the issue. Apparently someone IN MANAGEMENT (I’m looking at you!) needs a good spanking!!
So, I can’t vouch for it, but if you are interested in this topic, feel free to go here, and let me know if there are any pictures of naked boobies. I did discover this little beauty of a story at “Marie Claire” that involves a wussy guy getting spanked at a strip club.
So where was I?
Oh yes, I’m naughty.
How naughty might you wonder?
The 12 Reasons Why I Need a Spanking
I use my DVR to skip commercials
- What can I say? I don’t like watching really bad holiday commercials over and over and over and over again. If I hear the “Every kiss begins with Kay” jingle one more time, someone’s gonna pay. If networks still ran commercials like this one, I might actually consider watching ’em more often.
I reused a stamp once
- This is a hard one to admit, since it’s sort of actually really kind of illegal. I think the post office just sort of forgot to mark it up, and well, I was really lazy and didn’t feel like dragging my ass out to the Post Office in a bind and really really needed a stamp for my Playboy subscription renewal letter a really important document.
I threw out a soda can instead of recycling it
- I was walking on the street and there wasn’t a recycling bin around. I knew I should have just stuck it in my laptop bag, but well, who really wants a dirty can dripping all over their laptop? I deserve an extra spanking because, when I threw out the can, I justified it by thinking “hmm, well that’ll just get picked up later by a random bum anyhow.”
I copied a friend’s Menudo cd so I could listen to it in my car
- I’ve been worried that the music industry will sue the hell out of me ever since that fateful day. And yes, I should be spanked extra hard for just mentioning Menudo.
I use pictures on my blog without getting permission
- I could ask permission, but I’m in a hurry, and really who wants to wait several weeks while I get my lawyers to talk to your lawyers and blah blah blah. I want my Menudo picture, and I want it NOW. (But seriously, how awesome is that picture??)
I accidentally took a picture of my girlfriend’s boobs once (or twice)
- I swear it was accidental. I swear that I deleted it immediately after I downloaded it to my private collection for future viewing ward.
I took 2 samples of the fudge when I was grocery shopping at Harris Teeter
- I just couldn’t resist. I was hungry. It was tasty. No one was looking.
I accidentally threw out a tray at the cafeteria… and didn’t retrieve it out of the garbage can
- I had all good intentions of putting it back, but then I got distracted and accidentally dropped it right on in. And c’mon, do you really expect me to reach my arm down into that disgusting trash can and fish it out? I’d rather be spanked with a spiked paddle, thankyouverymuch.
I parked in a “compact car only” spot, even though my car is clearly not “compact”
- Why are all the best spots always reserved for people who are “handicapped” or have really freakin’ small cars? I mean, what about us with bigger cars? Screw y’all – the spot looks big enough, so I’m taking it. And besides, the model I drive was compact back in ’82, so I’m grandfathered in.
I made a right turn on red at 7:12am at a corner where there was a sign that said “No Right Turn 7am – 7pm”
- Turning right on red is a 1st amendment right, so those signs are unconstitutional. Why? Freedom of religion. Mostly because I religiously cut people off.
I used my company phone to make a long distance phone call
- Apparently this is stealing or something…. but I don’t want to use up all my minutes while I’m sitting at work. I mean, I have this perfectly wonderfully functional phone sitting in front of me, so why shouldn’t I use it? And have you seen the long distance rates for calling Sri Lanka on a cell phone??? Jeez!
I bought food for my company potluck
- And unwrapped it and put it in a nice bowl, and told everyone it was my mother’s secret recipe. In fact, I have a potluck today, and I’m bringing a traditional Philly delicacy for everyone to try.
I guess I know what list Santa has me on this yeah, eh? Luckily I’m a Jew, so I don’t have to worry about that whole coal thing. And since Arjewtino is already intimately familiar with my ass – I know I’ll be getting my payback for all my sins soon.
Speaking of Arjewtino, here’s a guy who REALLY deserves a good spanking.
So what have you done to deserve a spanking?