How a Muppet Got Me Fired

Well, I’ve been in Boston the last couple of days, primarily snowed in.  They got, I’d say, hmmm about 16 inches or so of snow between Friday and Sunday.   Coming from DC, I don’t think we’ve had 16 inches of snow the last 3 winters combined.

I might have been slightly unprepared for the weather.

Not too unprepared, mind you.  I’ve lived in snow country before, so I showed up with my snazzy North Face jacket (with associated fleece zip-in thingie) and my super-awesome gore-tex skiing gloves.  I also had my very fashionable ear-muff things that wrap around the back of your head, so you don’t mess up your hair too badly.

This is where things started going wrong.

Firstly, in order to make room for extra clothing that GF required I bring along… I had to leave my moon snow boots home.

I also forgot what it was like to trudge around in 20 degree weather while being pelted with snow moving somewhere between 20 and 40 mph.

I needed a hat.  Badly.

We’ll just forget that the trip involved me trudging around in 16 inches of snow in a tuxedo and patent leather shoes… that’s a story for another day.

My head was freakin’ freezing.

So, I did what any other upstanding gentleman would do in this situation.

I went to the nearest Filene’s Basement to get the cheapest hat possible.

Luckily, they were having a 25% off sale on everything, so I found 2 or 3 hats that would work.

But ohhhhhhh nooooooo those wouldn’t do for GF.  No, she had a plan.  She wanted me to look “cute.”

She picked out one of those skiing type hat things with the built in ear muffs and a pom-pom on the top.

I immediately nixed that idea, but she would not relent.  And then she got her family involved, and they all convinced me that this hat was the most appropriate and logical choice.

For accuracy’s sake, I even took a picture for you:

How a Muppet Got Me Fired

Those conniving Bostonians…. they must have been conspiring behind my back, because they obviously had a plan.

They wanted me to look just like Gonzo.

Being a Jew and all, I have a bit of a nose on me.  And by a bit of a nose, I mean I once got a t-shirt from friends with the following picture on it, because they said it reminded them of me:

How a Muppet Got Me Fired

So, as you can see. Very Gonzo-like.

So, let’s fast-forward to today. I was having a very nice online conversation with the always super awesome, and finely-boobed haired Lemmonex. I was telling her this little story, when I decided that it would be a good idea to elaborate by showing her a picture.

I mean, a picture is worth a thousand words, right??

So, I pulled up my trusty google images, and went searching – and that’s where it all went so, so wrong.

All of a sudden I was assaulted with pictures of women in hats doing unmentionable things, and err well, other pictures of women with pom-poms in their uhhhh no-no spot.

On my work computer.

Where they tightly track everything I do.

You see, there’s the muppet’s Gonzo, a sweet little quirky alien type being.  And then there’s the branch of pornography known as “gonzo.”

Oops?

So no, y’all don’t get a cute picture of gonzo in a pom-pom hat.

Now I just gotta find a way to bribe IT security to look the other way.

Or else I will truly be able to say:  A Muppet got me fired.

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12 responses to “How a Muppet Got Me Fired

  1. Your blog is always so educational. I thought gonzo had something to do with Hunter S. Whatevs.

    I am an educator. I have my Doctorate in Poopology with a minor in Pornology

  2. For the record – I like the hat.

    And now I’m too scared to ever Google gonzo.

    The hat, minus my head, looks just fine. Add my head? Well, that’s a whoooole different story there.

  3. Although I’m impressed with your balls of steel for wearing such a hat in public, I have to say… how embarrassing. No way would I ever wear a hat with a pom-pom on top!

    I’m sure it looked ever-so-cute, though. 🙂

    Balls of steel. I like it. I’ll go along with that.

  4. Gonzo? I had no idea.

    And now I’m wondering if there was a dark, evil side to Jim Henson…

    Yes there was. Just google kermit/piggy sex and you’ll have a whole new view of the muppets

  5. So sweet an innocent you are.

    I don’t wear hats because they fuck with my hair. My boobs? Never covered. They like it when there is a nip in the air…what?

    I am totally innocent. And what? I like nip in the air too!

  6. I’m headed up there tomorrow myself.

    Try and warm it up for me, Gonzo.

    I brought all the cold down here… it’s gloriously tropical up there now. Have fun!

  7. Oh, and that hat? They’re totally messing with you.

    uhhh you think??? I just figured they had bad taste in fashion 😉

  8. I got the awesomest hat from Nike that opens on the top so that I can pull my ponytail through it and then cinch it back up to keep my head warm. no pom-poms, just a huge bubble of natural hair sticking out the top of my tuque

  9. As an IT security guy those types of triggers (porn) on our systems are the worst. Because we have to review the pictures… I can never look some of my coworkers in the eye again, since I know WAY too much about their personal interests….

  10. Ahhh, the classic Hanukkahtime Gonzo pornstorm. The gift that keeps on giving beyond the requsite eight days.

  11. Now if Dr. Gonzo was involved in this “gonzo porn,” the IT guys would seriously question your intentions. Just a thought.

  12. Pom-pom on the top? Couldn’t you just explain that no grown male wears pom-poms?

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