TMI Thursday: Attack of the Feminine Product

And yes.  I’m male.

So I’m sitting at my desk chatting with a whole bunch of co-workers.  I turn my chair and my coat falls on the ground.

Female Coworker: “Hey, your coat fell, you might want to pick it up.”

Me: “Oh thanks!”

So I grab my coat and pick it up and hang it on the back of my chair.

The room suddenly gets really quiet.

So I turn around, and notice everyone staring, mouth agape, at the floor under my chair.

After an awkward pause.

FC: “Uhh, is that what I think it is?”

Fuck.  What did I just drop?  A condom?  Did I have a bottle of lube in my pocket?  A vibrator?  A 12 inch dildo?  Shitshitshitshitshit what did I have in that coat??????

I look down…. and the blood rushes from my head.

Keeping in mind that there are now 5 of my co-workers standing around….

And there, sitting on the floor, under my chair was…..

a tampon.

It was very clear to the entire room that the tampon came from my coat.  There was no other explanation.

Uhhhh what do I say? Err uhhh I get really bad nose bleeds a lot and so I keep it around just incase? No no no they won’t buy that.  Uhhh I have a tendency to crap my pants, so when I’m really really nervous I pop it on in just incase?  Yuck.  No.  Uhhhh shit I’m running out of time.  Quick! What’s the excuse here?????

So, I did the only thing I could think of at that moment:  I said oops yep, picked it up, and put it right back in my inside pocket in my jacket as if this was completely normal.

Keeping in mind that my face was 17 shades of red.

I guess I must have shoved one in my pocket for GF at some point in the past and forgotten about it.  Can we all say “whooooooops” together now?

Oh well.  I guess it could have always been worse.

It could have been used.

(Pause for “Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwws”)

ToBlogOr's Pocket Buddy

ToBlogOr's Pocket Buddy

But wait, there’s more!

In honor of TMI Thursday – I am posting a list of my favorite TMI Search terms from this past week.  Keep in mind, not only were these people searching for these disgusting things…. they found MY blog using them.

TMI Thursday: Search Terms Edition

  • how long it takes to poop out food
  • naked hairy man on bed
  • two muscular hairy guys fucking
  • men with really hairy butts
  • smurf asshole
  • i have hair everywhere
  • i have a hard time passing my poop out
  • hairy balls porn
  • what do genital crabs look like
  • i hate pooping in public bathrooms (Amen brotha!)
  • suck a christmas dick
  • old farts on bicycles
  • fat ball sack
  • gay hairy asshole
  • “i had bad gas” fart
  • gravity and pooping
  • how long it takes you to poop
  • how long to push for pooping
  • sexy bathroom poop
  • toilet paper stuck in crack
  • hairy muscle gay bears
  • guys poop more then women
  • how to get rid of little bitches
  • hair continues down neck women hairy
  • why does my girlfriend act like a little bitch

And my favorite for the week:

  • do all dogs have hairy ass holes

So, with that, I wish you all a fabulously fantastic TMI Thursday!


14 responses to “TMI Thursday: Attack of the Feminine Product

  1. i don’t know what you did, and who you did it to, but it must’ve been awful. no one deserves that.

    Karma is a bitch, ain’t it?

  2. Happy TMI Thursday, dear. Only a real man would carry his woman’s… sanitary products. You’re a gem.

    That’s right. You got it.

  3. Wow. If that happened in my office I would have quit. I work with all women and it would be just too weird. Your man status has risen to a new level. Well done!

    new high or new low? I dunno which one 😉 And I might have quit too, if the economy didn’t suck so bad! haha

  4. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to say something about your girlfriend at that point? Funny that they didn’t question you any more about it. I think my co-workers would have demanded an explanation if something completely male-related fell out of my coat pocket.

    (Love the link for the 12-inch you-know-what…) 🙂

    They tried, but I just deflected their attempts. I guess they were too PC to push it.

    And of course you’d check that link!

  5. What Lilu said. You’re a gem.

    I think the GF owes you one now. I mean, you *were* holding it for her, right?

    aww thanks! Yep she owes me BIGTIME. Of course, if that’s how it works, I’ll just shove a whole handful in my pocket and accidentally drop em all over town.

  6. Wait, wait. WHY did you have a tampon in your coat?

    Please answer carefully. Our entire friendship depends on it.

    I thought we talked about this already and agreed that we wouldn’t talk about it publicly. Hold your own damn tampon next time.

  7. I’ve held purses, had lipstick in a pocket, allowed my suit to be used as the purse a woman didn’t want to carry, but I think I would draw the line at tampon concealer – at least without appropriate and pre-arranged consideration.

    Oh, I dunno about that. I’d rather have a tampon in the pocket than be stuck at a store someplace holding her purse. 99.9% of the time you won’t catch me with the tampon. If I’m holding a purse though? That’s 100% bitch right there.

  8. I had a camper that got a nose-bleed on a canoe trip. I made her stick a tampon up her nose. This was also the one canoe-trip a summer that was coed. She was not happy with me.

    Amazingly, it works great. Or so I hear. From other people. Yeah.

  9. You are my new definition of whipped.

    Don’t make me kick your ass. I will.

  10. I have an emergency douche that you can carry around for me, if you like. You know, for when I’m having that not-so-fresh feeling…

  11. man o man thank you – I just worked out my abs for the day laughing at the search words 😀 aww but now I will have to search your blog to understand why there is so much reference to poop – I am a little scared.

    Oh and the tampon? I was gonna say something bad about hemorrhoids but I thought I was gonna be banned from your commenting on your blog even before I had the time to read it… so I will stick to… aww you’re sweet.

  12. Smurf assholes? *snort*

    You snort smuff assholes?

  13. “men with really hairy butts” So not cool, girls don’t like to grab onto that. Get the guy a razor!

  14. I’m a little late for this, but I’ve heard you can make angels out of tampons. Just add water and wings. Maybe you could make a few for the people in your office by way of explanation.

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