A Return to Wedgieville

My 15 year high school reunion is this coming weekend.

FUCK.  When did I suddenly get old?

I swear it was just yesterday when I was going to college and getting bombed any night of the week was ok because I didn’t wake up the next morning with a huge hangover and have to write a blog tribute to my toilet.  How did 15 years go by so fast?

Ahhh high school.  The time of my life where I was so awkward, that the word awkward even picked on me.

I used to be short and scrawny.  Quiet.  Bookish.  I was a pretty good musician so everyone knew who I was, but no one really knew me.  I was an unknown.  Nerdy and badly dressed with huge ass shiny gold rimmed glasses.  The technical term that defined me was “bully bait.”

My senior year of high school, I was about 3 votes short of winning the award for “Most Unique.”   Yeah, you know that award.  “Most Unique” really stands for “Most-Likely-to-Get-Beaten-Up-By-a-Woman-in-a-Bar-Fight” (oh, wait, I won that one in college…) 

Fortunately there was this guy named Dennis Moon who ended up edging me out, and hence is forever remembered as the weird guy in our yearbook.  My singular remembrance of him is playing together on a soccer team and he wore a lavender sweat suit and a helmet. 

I’ve grown up a bit since then. 

I’ve filled out.  I learned how to dress myself.  I gained social skills and confidence.  I’m in shape, have all of my hair, and have a really good job.  My girlfriend is both smart AND hot.  I’m also a blogger, and we all know that bloggers are the coolest people ever.

So you know what?  I am going to own this reunion.


Because time has a way of evening up the playing field. 

Those so-called popular kids are now balding and overweight.  They still look back on their high school years as the best years of their life.


A Return to Wedgieville


A Return to Wedgieville


A Return to Wedgieville

Painful, isn’t it? 

When it comes right down to it, those old popular kids are no match for me now, just as back-in-the-day I was no match for them.

I’ve entertained thoughts of verbally gouging a whole long list of people who had wronged me in one way or another.  It would be like fishing in a barrel.  I could go back and make the whole school look like the idiots they are, and I would have fun doing it. 

And then I had a realization. 

If I go back to my reunion all bitter and angry with the purpose of showing people up…. I’d be no better than them, though I have a couple of pairs of vengeful underwear that would disagree.

The thing is, I don’t need to laugh at their crappyness to validate what I’ve done with my life.  I’ve grown up and become successful on my own.  I don’t need to shove their heads in a toilet and flush insult them to make myself look good. 

Just showing up is going to be victory enough.

The GPS set, the course is plotted.  Look out kids, I’ll be taking the high road in my return to Wedgieville.


11 responses to “A Return to Wedgieville

  1. This is why facebook is so lovely for smug people like me. I get to see how everyone is still in my small town and 30lbs heavier. It’s awesome.

    Agreed. That’s why I’m looking forward to it even more. I know what to expect 😉

  2. Wow, Rod the Bod in a tankini. He was a trendsetter. Needs a bit of manscaping, though.

    It took me 20 years to agree to go to a high school reunion–that’s how “Heathers” high school was for me. Despite my apprehension, it turned out to be just a dull cocktail party. There’s a reason I didn’t keep in touch with 99% of these people. Meh.

    I have a feeling that mine is going to be the same thing. They keep pushin the whole Cocktail Hour/Dinner/DJ Dancing thing. Yeah, I’m sure I’ll be out there dancing all night. Whatever. I’m going because I need blog material 😉

  3. I agree. I think the people who weren’t so popular/well-known in high school are the ones who are way cooler as they get older. (I’ll place myself in that category, too.) 🙂

    You are definitely in that category… though I gotta be honest, not all the geeks have aged as well as we have either haha 😉

  4. is it a PA thing to have reunions over turkey day weekend? I skipped my 10 year, but the easy excuse is that thanksgiving comes a month early north of the border. that, and saying “I’m in my 10th year of university” doesn’t sound that cool and successful.

    have some tastykakes and peanut chews for me!

    10 years of university? That sounds pretty cool to me! I will eat tons of PA food just for you. I’ll just wait until after the reunion, don’t want to show up too fat! 😉 haha

  5. I refuse high school reunions. I figure I hated it when I was there. What’s changed?

    Probably not alot. It’s costing me $60 to confirm that this weekend. haha

  6. In the end it was 11 years., but at least I have 3 degrees to show for it (although, what can you really do with three history degrees?)

    I’m so jealous of the PA food! Must smuggle more across the border after winter break. good idea for waiting until after the reunion to gorge on all the yummies!

    I’ll save some for you, though I believe TK does ship 😉

  7. I unfortunately still live in the town where I graduated (horrible) so I will NOT be attending my high school reunion next year. I figure I see all of these people all the time…

    unless there’s free booze. I will definitely go if there’s free booze.

    You know what, your free booze comment is totally right on. There’s a CASH BAR for my reunion. What the hell????

  8. You should go simply for the blog fodder.

    That’s why I do anything anymore.

    If I walk away from this reunion with no stories, I’ll consider it a complete failure.

  9. I had my 5 last Thanksgiving, and it was AWESOME. Not only are they fat and going nowhere fast, most of them have never even made it out of Worcester, Massachusetts.

    Oh Victory, you are so sweet.

    I’m high fiving my monitor right now! At my 5 yr reunion, a chick who I went to school showed up with 3 kids. -3-!!! I want to see how many she shows up with this time.

  10. I’m not looking forward to my 10 year reunion at ALL.

    Why not? You look great – all the people will be jealous of you!

  11. My class reunions keep shooting themselves in the foot. I recall the first one was naught but e-mails back and forth about the location and lack of interest. I’ll admit that once I heard they could no longer afford open bar, I was done.

    Since a good portion of the people I went to elem/high school with have now added my on Facebook–it’s not like we hung out back then, or anything–they have access to my blog entries and should know that for me, an open bar is an absolute must. Especially if I have to sit through the stories of marriage, pregnancies, divorces and all those really really smart women in my class that have turned themselves into stay-at-home moms. *shudder*

    Thanks for making me uhhh look forward to my uhhhh reunion even more… cash bar. ergh. It’s going to be a short night there for me 😉

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