Ever use google to find something? People search for all sorts of interesting things, and sometimes those searches lead them to my blog. I can see what those search terms are, and they always amuse me. The thing is, I’ve always wondered…. who were the people searching, and what were the answers they were looking for?
So, just for the hell of it – here’s the complete list of this week’s search terms with my answers to those questions.
smurf porn – Oy. I knew this was coming when I posted something about the freaks of this world. Ok people, here’s your moment in the sun. Go ahead and rejoice.
phillies world series – Yeaaaah baby. Obviously someone who has great taste in sports teams.
sexy smurf – Hmmm another freak. There’s a lot of closet freaks in this country, so whatever.
worst places in dc – Someone who is in a bad relationship and looking to break it off. I can see it now, “Hey honey, you wanna go out tonight? I heard that you can see some great stars at the garbage dump in South East!”
jesus shits the bed – Ok, so say you shit the bed, and say you get razzed about it incessantly. Wouldn’t it make sense that it would make you feel better to know that Jesus also shit his bed once? I can just see it now, “He shit his bed to save all the rest of the world’s bed shitters.” Hmm I may have just offended all the Christians who read my blog. Nice.
penis poking out – hasn’t everyone gotten caught accidentally walking down the hall in the office with their penis poking out of their pants once? Errr….
best place to get laid dc – Someone who obviously hasn’t gotten laid in a while. It’s not about the place buddy, it’s about the participants…. though they might have been seeking out a hooker, in which case, I think you’re out of luck.
porn smurfs – Again? Really??? C’mon people. It’s enough already, you’re starting to gross me out.
the smurfs porn – What. The. Fuck. Are smurfs really that sexy? Really? Apparently there’s a little blue dick fetish out there that I was unfamiliar with.
smurfette porn – ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!! Are the smurfs even ON TV anymore???? How do these people find my blog? What the hell! Go away! (unless you’ve found some good smurf porn, then you should email me…)
public bathroom poop – Someone who obviously agrees with my philosophy.
guy stars that wear skinny jeans – have bad taste in fashion. like having their balls smushed. actually have no testicles. C’mon buddy…. stop trying to justify why you bought the jeans…. and go BURN THEM.
toblogor – Obviously someone searching for a stunningly handsome and gloriously funny man with a huge reproductive organ.
funny shit at the gym – I’m not sure what’s going on here, but there’s nothing funny about shitting at the gym.
best places in dc for sex in public – This person is the opposite of the one from above. Why? Because they obviously have a significant other and are looking for a fun time. I would recommend a spot in the garden at Tudor Place during the day, and in the gardens around the National Cathedral at night.
mens skinny jeans – Ok. Seriously now. Stop searching for this crap. Just Say NO.
the real reason why obama won – Someone who agrees with me that the voting process had no impact on why Obama won.
necrophiliac – Not here. Not now. Not ever.
psycho murderer – Who told you? Damnit, I’m going to have to relocate to Miami with my buddy Dexter.
horse gum – I’m not even sure what to say about this one. I didn’t know horses chewed gum. I mean, I was always told never to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I guess it could be chewing some sugar-free orbit and I’d never know.
toll booth boobs – doesn’t everyone hope the toll booth lady will flash them too?
worst whore – Madeline Albright. That’s my choice.
phillies win the world series – Yeah baby!! Suck it Met’s fans! SUCK. IT. haha
fuuny as shit – your lack of spelling skills.
finnish christmas bazaar, washington dc – What? Someone actually searched for this? Really?
what is making out – Ok Mr. Middle Schooler, I’ll tell you. it’s when you shove your tongue as far down a chick’s throat as you possibly can get it. Trust me, she’ll love it.
make secret stash – not anymore you apparently won’t.
“classy and naked” – well shit, I want to know the answer to this one…. though at the moment it could be the answer to the question “what is GF right now?” heh heh *smack* Ouch!
hot older lady – you better not have been searching for pictures of my mother or I’ll kick your ass. Hmm my answer would probably be….. uhh….. Miley Cyrus? What? Ok… hmmmm I’m sticking with Demi Moore for today.
huge turd – Oooh this is an easy one…. this was someone who was interested in what I’m going to do with the rest of my morning!
And that completes your ToBlogOr search terms explanation for this week. Have a great Saturday!