Parting Shots From London

Leaving London is like breaking up with a girlfriend.  You spend a lot of time with your friends joking about how whacko she is, but secretly you miss some of her good qualities.

We’re leaving in just a few short hours, so here are some parting thoughts on London.

  • They don’t have any trash here… just rubbish.  The words work equally well, and I can’t help but snicker everytime I hear a Brit say it.  There’s just something very wussy about using the word rubbish.
  • When you leave, you don’t go to the “exit” – you go to the “Way Out.”  Somehow this makes a lot more sense.
  • The Brits like to use the word lovely a lot… just not in relation to people.  The drink and food I had last night were lovely.  The pub we went to was lovely.  I took a lovely crap last night.
  • They have public urinals ON THE STREET.  Literally.  I was walking through Soho at night, and I see a bunch of guys taking a piss right there in front of me…..
  • Oh, and those urinals are the most foul smelling things ever
  • It’s nearly impossible to get any veggies here.  Apparently only poor people eat vegetables, so they aren’t offered anywhere… or if they are, they look at you oddly if you order them.  So…. apparently they don’t want to seem poor.
  • At the same time, it’s considered very pretentious to have braces… so if someone has them, they are probably really rich…. which is why so many brits have crazy bad teeth.  What’s up with them not wanting to seem poor or rich? 
  • London is an American girls dream city.  Lots of men who have sexy accents and dress very well.
  • London is an American guys hell.  Lots of women who sound like cheap hookers and dress similarly.  What the hell????  GF totally agrees with me on both points.
  • The Brits over-communicate about what’s going on in their subway system.  You might hear something like this: “Announcement.  The current status of the underground is good.  All lines are running well, except for the Central line, as there is a person stuck under a rail car at the Queensbury Station.”
  • Some chick grabbed my ass last night while I was standing a street corner, while next to GF.  I was shocked the first time, but even MORE shocked when she did it again.  I looked over and she snickered and smiled at me and said “ooops.”  I think she was missing 4 teeth.

Ok.  That’s enough for now.  We’re off to go buy some crappy souvenirs for all of our friends!


5 responses to “Parting Shots From London

  1. what, no mind the gap jokes? happy you have fun, let’s hang out soon so i can hear all the *real* stories!!

    I bought the t-shirt…. I admit it. I think it’ll be cool here 😉 And yeah, lots of “real” stories to tell 😉

  2. I like the transit over-communication.

    Beats the hell out of the Metro where someone falling to their death is callously relayed as “Delays on the Red Line”.

    They set expectations well there… it makes the experience a whole lot better.

  3. I should move to London at once, I love a good british accent i.e Jason Statham

    Ahh yes, I tried to pick it up in the 6 days I was there, but I just sound like have a nose cold instead.

  4. Thank God it isn’t considered pretentious to have braces, especially seeing as I was born without four of my freaking teeth. I would look like a hillbilly if it weren’t for orthodontics.

    So, now you can imagine how MOST of the London women looked. It makes no sense to me at all.

  5. it’s 2 months old, but you might be interested:

    hope you’re not jetlagged!

    Great article – thanks!

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