Screw You England!

Welcome to Day 1 of “ToBlogOr pisses people off: The International Edition” (also known as my London travel blog).

You may or may not have known this, but GF and I have been planning on taking a week vacation to London for a while.  Exciting stuff eh?  Well, for me it is!  I’ve never been to England, so spending a week in London is going to give me a chance to experience all the wonderful sights including: Big Ben, Parliment, Buckingham Palace, Clouds, Rain, Fog, and Soccer Hooligans. 

We boarded a plane at 10:10pm on Wednesday evening for the red-eye, and if the flight was any predictor of the upcoming trip, well, then we’re gonna be in trouble.

Within 20 minutes of being on board, I had already offended at least 1 of the flight attendants.

Just after take-off, he had come by to ask if we needed an immigration forms.  Being that GF has vehicular narcolepsy (defined as: whenever she gets into any moving vehicle, she immediately passes out.  Moving vehicles include, but are not limited to: cars, trucks, trains, planes, bicycles, and carousels.)  she was completely passed out within 30 seconds of the plane moving.  Being that I’m a super great boyfriend and didn’t want to wake her up – I stayed quiet and just held up 2 fingers, when the flight attendant came by, to let him know that we needed 2 forms.

This is where the problems began.  Why? 

The moment I held up my fingers, he started laughing.

Apparently I told him to fuck off.

Not us, but you get the point.

Not us, but you get the point.


Apparently, depending on the way you hold your hand, you can either say the number 2, or “fuck off.” 

Well, there you go.  At the rate I’m going, by the weekend we’ll either be jailed, or deported.

We’ve since landed successfully and made it to our russian mafia hotel.

But that’s a story for another day.


10 responses to “Screw You England!

  1. Have a blast and be safe – I want a Bobbi hat – the cops are cool over there!

  2. what are you flying iraqi air or something? i didn’t know we had such cultural hand gesture differences with contemporary western europeans. anyway, i hope you fly Virgin – that was my favorite airline experience. they gave out all sorts of goodies and treats throughout the duration of the flight.

    Flying British Airways – and I have no idea if it was good or not. I passed out for the entire flight. Literally. I was awake for about 40 minutes of the 7 hour flight. About 20 minutes up and 20 minutes coming down. ha ha

  3. Well, at least the flight attendant laughed! He couldn’t have been too offended. 🙂

    Hope you two have a great time! I spent a few days in London back in 2004…fun times.

  4. I’m so jealous of your girlfriend. I wish I could fall asleep that easily.

    Have fun!

    Thanks! I’m jealous of her too – I can’t do that unless I’m heavily drugged 😉

  5. Well played, sir, well played.

    I actually have the EXACT kind of narcolepsy your GF suffers from. The interesting thing about mine is it in no way is less formidable of a force whether I am a passenger, or actually OPERATING said moving vehicle. So, yeah, I don’t have a car anymore. Funsies!

    Yeah, that’s a good reason not to own a car. You guys are so lucky. I wish I could fall asleep that easily. That’s why I always get stuck driving. Ergh

  6. Those Brits are funny, yes? Here, it doubles for number 1, not number 2. 🙂

    Are they? I dunno, sometimes I think they have no sense of humor at all…..

  7. I used to have a British girlfriend. The first time I held up two fingers the way you’re doing it, she told me, “Well fuck you, too!”

    GF might also have photographic narcolepsy.

    Haha I’ve been trying to do my best not to insult anyone else, but I seem to have a talent for unintentional insultation (that’s a word, I swear).

  8. you *have* to go to Apsley House, which was the Duke of Wellington’s. It’s super cool!

    Ok! I’ll take your advice and we’ll try to hit it tomorrow or Sunday! Thanks!

  9. And don’t come back.

  10. Haha i do not know who u are at all and usually i would just stop reading but i just need to say this was extremly funny to read!!

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