Slip Me the Sausage

No, this is not a post where I decide to come out of the closet. Sorry guys, I love boobs just a bit too much. Instead, it’s a restaurant review of my favorite little german food stand in Leesburg – Hamburg Döner (HD)!

This is not your usual restaurant either – it is housed in the Mighty Midget Kitchen!

Slip Me the Sausage

The Midget used to be a pretty good BBQ place up until recently, when HD took over the little 6 by 9 foot piece of aluminum that used to be a part of a WWII era bomber. I think it has or had some sort of record about being the smallest restaurant in the world, but I’m too lazy to look that stat up. Either way, it’s pretty fricken small.

Anyway, back to the review. So, what’s better that getting some good german sausage at 11:45am on the first day back on standard time? Getting BEER with the sausage, of course! (c’mon, that was an easy question. I shouldn’t have to answer these for you….) That’s one of the great things about HD – they have a good number of german beers on tap, along with a whole shit-load in bottles.

Being that the HD uses the Mighty Midget Kitchen, which is slightly smaller than my shitter, they only have about 6 things on the menu: falafel, bratwurst, schnitzel, döner, fries, and salad. Right off the bat, there are at least 2 things I’m never buying there – falafel and the salad. I might be a tad bit metro, but I ain’t no foo-foo vegetarian wussy boy.

No, I need my meat. (damnit, this whole post is a bunch of ambiguously gay references, isn’t it?)

I’ve had the bratwurst before, which is great. One quick note – if you order the Bratwurst there, and you are expecting it to be served like a hot dog, then you better order it “with bread.” If not, you’ll get served just a brat on a plate.

This time I ordered the “döner,” some “pommes” (fries), and an Erdinger. Generally speaking, I only really like dark beers, and today they had just wheat beers on tap. While the Erdinger came in the bottle, HD follows European tradition by serving their beers in the associated beer glass.

Slip Me The Sausage

Know what I like about European beer glasses? They are really fucking big. So, when I ordered a beer, I wasn’t ordering no stickin’ 12 oz beer.

I’m guessing you have a question here….. what the hell is a “döner.” Good question, cause I had no fuckin’ idea either. In the menu it was described via a picture as having “hot, lean meat.” And since apparently I’m really “into meat” today, it seemed appropriate.

The best way I can describe it is that it’s a german version of a gyro. It was overflowing with meat and sauce and other “fresh and nutritious” stuff.

Ooh, it has fresh AND nutritious salad

Ooh, it has fresh AND nutritious salad

This can be also described as a potential big-fucking-mess. My buddy described it as “definitely not a sandwich to order on a date.” They even have a special plate that it comes with, which holds the sandwich upright, and provides a huge area to… errrr… well…. make a mess.

The meat was well seasoned and tender. The sauce was… well, saucy. The associated nutritious stuff… was, well, pretty fresh and apparently nutritious. I did not disappoint on the mess factor – as I proceeded to dribble the sauce all over my shirt, pants, table, floor, and another patron.

Aside from the mess, overall it was really quite good, though I would recommend the bratwurst over the döner for a first time patron. The “pommes” were freshly cut and had some sort of spicy stuff on them. (Yes, I said spicy stuff… ok? I’m not a fucking chef. If you want semi-intelligent restaurant reviews, go read Culinary Couture. There you can find well written reviews from someone who knows the difference between hominy and homosexual.) Having everything washed down with a great german beer only improved the entire experience.

I will provide a quick warning. HD only has about 4 seats indoors – most of the seats are outside at benches on the deck. They do a decent job of providing some heaters (and a couple of blankets), but if you get cold easily – definitely come prepared with jackets – especially this time of year.

Besides the beer, the 2nd best part about the whole experience is that HD is located just a short walk to Mom’s Apple Pies. They have really great pies, and something called “Buckeyes” – which are basically homemade Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups – except bigger, rounder, and way fucking better. If you aren’t too stuffed from lunch, I would definitely recommend taking the 3 minute walk over.

I give HD only 1 slight demerit…… mainly for not having hottie german server chicks.

Ooh lah lah!

ToBlogOr's Fantasy Server Chick

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5 responses to “Slip Me the Sausage

  1. Doner is actually Turkish street food. You can get from a cart on a half a loaf of delicious bread with cacik (the yogurt sauce) or you can get it fancified on a plate (it’s called Iskender Kebab) covering grilled pita, with tomato sauce and yogurt. Either way it’s amazing. It’s different from Gyro meat in that they don’t grind the meat and shape into a huge slab to grill it. They marinate thin lamb and beef steaks and pile them up on a skewer to grill a la Gyro style. A lot of Turks emigrated to Germany, so I’m assuming that’s why the German place in Leesburg has it. Simit bakery in Fairfax has Iskender Kebab if you want to try it. So good and more than you ever needed to know I’m sure!

    Wow! Well, there ya go! Before my next restaurant review I’m talking to you!

  2. First your wordpress theme looked eerily like my own, then your blogroll, and now you are repeating my blog post topics. I am starting to think you want to BE me.

    Uhh, is it really that obvious? 😉 Gotta mold yourself after the great ones, and if I could have half the success your blog has had, I’d be happy!

  3. I was impressed you used the umlaut. but the real Q is, do they offer döner selection, of chicken or lamb? although in the end, I really wonder if there really are two different ones or if they just say they are. how expensive was it? I loved Happy Hour in Bonn, when it was just 1 euro. mmmmm….

    Apparently they do chicken during the week and beef over the weekend. Funny eh? It was pretty darn inexpensive. I think my total meal was $15, including the beer!

  4. that meal, including the beer, should be about 5 or 6 euros if you were in Germany (when not happy hour). there’s a reason why we ate a lot of döner during my summer program….

    5 or 6 euros? So that translates into what? $45 or so? haha Nice – I can’t wait to head out to Germany… hopefully next year!

  5. PS–thanks for the kind words…i totally forgot to say that…

    Yeah yeah whatever – I know you just expect us to be fawning all over you. Nice to see you grew some humility there though 😉 hehe j/k

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