No, this is not a post where I decide to come out of the closet. Sorry guys, I love boobs just a bit too much. Instead, it’s a restaurant review of my favorite little german food stand in Leesburg – Hamburg Döner (HD)!
This is not your usual restaurant either – it is housed in the Mighty Midget Kitchen!
The Midget used to be a pretty good BBQ place up until recently, when HD took over the little 6 by 9 foot piece of aluminum that used to be a part of a WWII era bomber. I think it has or had some sort of record about being the smallest restaurant in the world, but I’m too lazy to look that stat up. Either way, it’s pretty fricken small.
Anyway, back to the review. So, what’s better that getting some good german sausage at 11:45am on the first day back on standard time? Getting BEER with the sausage, of course! (c’mon, that was an easy question. I shouldn’t have to answer these for you….) That’s one of the great things about HD – they have a good number of german beers on tap, along with a whole shit-load in bottles.
Being that the HD uses the Mighty Midget Kitchen, which is slightly smaller than my shitter, they only have about 6 things on the menu: falafel, bratwurst, schnitzel, döner, fries, and salad. Right off the bat, there are at least 2 things I’m never buying there – falafel and the salad. I might be a tad bit metro, but I ain’t no foo-foo vegetarian wussy boy.
No, I need my meat. (damnit, this whole post is a bunch of ambiguously gay references, isn’t it?)
I’ve had the bratwurst before, which is great. One quick note – if you order the Bratwurst there, and you are expecting it to be served like a hot dog, then you better order it “with bread.” If not, you’ll get served just a brat on a plate.
This time I ordered the “döner,” some “pommes” (fries), and an Erdinger. Generally speaking, I only really like dark beers, and today they had just wheat beers on tap. While the Erdinger came in the bottle, HD follows European tradition by serving their beers in the associated beer glass.
Know what I like about European beer glasses? They are really fucking big. So, when I ordered a beer, I wasn’t ordering no stickin’ 12 oz beer.
I’m guessing you have a question here….. what the hell is a “döner.” Good question, cause I had no fuckin’ idea either. In the menu it was described via a picture as having “hot, lean meat.” And since apparently I’m really “into meat” today, it seemed appropriate.
The best way I can describe it is that it’s a german version of a gyro. It was overflowing with meat and sauce and other “fresh and nutritious” stuff.
This can be also described as a potential big-fucking-mess. My buddy described it as “definitely not a sandwich to order on a date.” They even have a special plate that it comes with, which holds the sandwich upright, and provides a huge area to… errrr… well…. make a mess.
The meat was well seasoned and tender. The sauce was… well, saucy. The associated nutritious stuff… was, well, pretty fresh and apparently nutritious. I did not disappoint on the mess factor – as I proceeded to dribble the sauce all over my shirt, pants, table, floor, and another patron.
Aside from the mess, overall it was really quite good, though I would recommend the bratwurst over the döner for a first time patron. The “pommes” were freshly cut and had some sort of spicy stuff on them. (Yes, I said spicy stuff… ok? I’m not a fucking chef. If you want semi-intelligent restaurant reviews, go read Culinary Couture. There you can find well written reviews from someone who knows the difference between hominy and homosexual.) Having everything washed down with a great german beer only improved the entire experience.
I will provide a quick warning. HD only has about 4 seats indoors – most of the seats are outside at benches on the deck. They do a decent job of providing some heaters (and a couple of blankets), but if you get cold easily – definitely come prepared with jackets – especially this time of year.
Besides the beer, the 2nd best part about the whole experience is that HD is located just a short walk to Mom’s Apple Pies. They have really great pies, and something called “Buckeyes” – which are basically homemade Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups – except bigger, rounder, and way fucking better. If you aren’t too stuffed from lunch, I would definitely recommend taking the 3 minute walk over.
I give HD only 1 slight demerit…… mainly for not having hottie german server chicks.