I broke out in a cold sweat as the scene unfolded. The female coworker (FC) to my left and the male coworker (MC) to my right, locked in an epic battle of the sexes.
The conversation started when MC stated, out loud, that he hated it when his face gets all dry. I was a little bit worried, because I knew this was going to start a conversation that I definitely didn’t want to be a part of.
Now don’t get me wrong, I hate a dry face as much as the next guy, but considering I work in an office full of women…. I definitely definitely definitely didn’t want to be a part of a conversation about moisturizer products, or really about any sort of beauty products. That conversation makes my testicles ache (thanks [F]oxymoron!). So, I did what any other self-preserving male does in this situation.
It was like a battle from Master and Commander (this is where I would normally paste a youtube video of a massive cannon shot off a ship, but my stupid company blocks youtube at work and so I can’t. Fuck you big brother! You can’t keep the little man down forever! More on this in another blog later this week…)
FC shoots across the bow: “Well, you should use moisturizer then.”
MC returns the volley: “Do they even make face moisturizer?”
FC1 & FC2: “snicker snicker snicker”
The final blows were swift and brutal.
Game. Set. Match.
Welcome to Guy Hell.