Don’t You Hate It When: Office Edition

Work is like goose shit in a park.  You are walking around minding your own business on a beautiful day, then BANG – without any warning,  you now have a big fricken shitball smeared on the bottom of your shoe.  Have fun! 

Look at all the shit!

Look at all the shit!

Of course, there is no easy way to get the shit off off.  Wiping it on the grass doesn’t really work that well.  You don’t want to step in a puddle, ’cause then your foot will get all soggy…. and do you really want to sit down with a paper towel and wipe it off?  No!  Of course not!  You don’t want to risk getting the shit on your hands.

So what do we do? 

We half ass it.  We wipe it on the grass a bit, give a good rub on some asphalt, maybe grab a stick and poke at it.  And then we all do the same thing: pretend it isn’t there, and hope we don’t track it in all over our nice white carpet.

(The worst feeling in the world is when you get back into your car, and you SWEAR you smell shit…)

If you haven’t figured it out yet, stupid people are the goose shit of the working world.

Think about it for a moment…. how many stupid people do you encounter during your normal day at work?  Outside of the cable company, tourists, and anyone driving directly in front of me – I’m going to go out on a limb and say that workplaces have the highest percentage of stupid people.  That means I spend a lot of my day dealing with goose shit that has accumulated on my nice Italian loafers.

Since my co-workers have a tendency to read my blog, I will add a corollary and say that the current group of people I work directly with are pretty smart.  It’s those OTHER people that are the morons.  You know who I’m talking about too.  The ones who make your life miserable and fun all at the same time.

Why fun? 

Fun because you get to showcase their stupidity to everyone you know, and laugh (or blog!) about it. 

This entry is not just about stupid people at work though, it’s also about the result of stupid people…. and will become a semi-bi-pseudo-haphazardly-weekly-tri-quarterly review of things I hate….

Without further ado:

Don’t you hate it when:

  • People get into the elevator and ride it up/down only 1 floor
  • Your boss emails you at 4:55pm for a 5pm-? meeting
  • Someone comes by your desk, asks to borrow a pen, and then starts chewing on it
  • The person in front of you at the water cooler decides to fill up their 2 liter bottle of water (this applies at the gym as well)
  • Someone in a cube nearby has the continual sniffles and won’t just blow their goddamn nose
  • You get back to your desk and someone has used your chair, and all the settings are changed
  • You ask someone a question over email, and when they reply, they don’t answer it…. for the 5th time.
  • You show up for a 1 on 1 meeting, and the other party doesn’t show up, and doesn’t let you know
  • You show up for a 20 person meeting, and the boss doesn’t show up, even though everyone is meeting just for his/her benefit.  I especially hate the forced and awkward conversations that ensue while waiting for the boss to show…
  • Someone comes to meet with you, and then during the meeting, they take calls or just stare at their blackberry half the time.  Like my time isn’t important???
  • The chatty cathy of the office comes by your desk and keeps talking and talking and talking and talking and won’t go the HELL away. 


  • Meetings/trainings consist entirely of the presenter reading the powerpoint presentation word for word.  These are never the 15 minute meetings either – it’s usually a 6 hour meeting
  • Meetings are supposed to last 15 minutes, but last 3 hours instead…. AND NOTHING GETS DONE
  • You sit near a “loud talker” – you know the one who sits 9 cubes over, but you can still hear them talk on the phone about how their kid shit its pants last night, or about their wedding plans, or about the shoes they bought over the weekend… 


Oh, and there are so many other ones….. I can’t be the only one who works with stupid people. 

What do you hate?


7 responses to “Don’t You Hate It When: Office Edition

  1. I hate it when people ask about my weekend, when I full well know they don’t care.

    I also hate how, without fail, someone complains that the flowers in the office smell too strong.

  2. OMG! You’ve got like 6 months of blogging material there! Space yourself, buddy, you’re going to blow!

    Haha true true. I’m saving all my family-oriented rants until 2010 😉

  3. Try sitting next to a loud singer! … Tone stupid… and a highly questionable taste in “music”

    But he’s still a great guy.

    Oh god. Every company has one of those. Even if they have a good voice, I like to choose when I listen to live music, not get it forced upon me at work. Bathroom/stairwell singers get me too

  4. Mofos who know every gotdayum thang!

    People who make every.little.thing an emergency or drama.

    People who have to consult with you on each and every step of their project. Hello! Just do it and send it to me when it’s finished, I don’t want to have all these interim conversations about it.

    People who walk over to respond to your email. There’s a reason I’m emailing you buddy. Your breath smells like hot hmmmm.

    There’s more, but I’ll stop there.

    Yes, yes, yes and yes!!! I agree totally. Though, I do hate it when someone emails me even though they are sitting 5 feet from me. Get off your ass and walk over and ask. Seriously.

  5. omg this was so funny.

    right now I hate men – present company excluded.

    Awww well thanks! I’m glad I’m not hated 😉 Perhaps just mildly disliked? haha

  6. If even half of those things happen within a week, you have a crappy workplace.

    Apparently I live into my posts… I swear half of them happened TODAY. ARGH!

  7. I think you got all the major categories! How about those people that nitpick you on some irrelevant detail and cc your boss and 20 other people for no reason?

    Oh yeah, you definitely nailed that one. I hate that!

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