So, you might not know this, but DC has a parking problem.
It might not be like NYC, but it’s still pretty bad. I live in-between Adams Morgan and Dupont, and most night of the week there is nary a parking spot to be found between the hours of 7pm and midnight. In order to find one, I usually have to drive around and around the same circle of streets and hope I get lucky that someone is pulling out just when I happen to be driving by for the 23 millionth time.
The thing I hate about this, though, is when there is another car directly in front of you, who is also looking for a spot. It’s like waiting in line for a ride at an amusement park, but just a lot more frustrating. Usually, they are from some Virginia suburb, and this is their first trip in to DC, which probably goes something like this:
“Like, hey, let’s go to DC and party”
“Totally! Shouldn’t we take the metro?”
“No way, it closes to early. It’s more fun to drink and drive!”
So, anyway, these pesky suburbanite kiddies drive their 1995 honda civics really slowly, pretty much stopping at every gap in between cars, not realizing until the very last moment that they’re either a fire hydrant or a driveway/alley. This of course, causes me major frustration.
You see, I like to whip around my same circle of streets pretty quickly, because the more times I pass through, the higher my chances of passing just when someone is getting in my car (we’ll just ignore the fact that I intermittently have to slam on my brakes, nearly causing a massive pileup behind me, when I see a pedestrian even glancing toward a vehicle that most likely isn’t even be theirs. Listen, this is my rant about OTHER people, and we will refrain from ripping on my own moronic tendencies. Deal? Thanks.)
So anyway, how do I deal with this? I pretend that I’m not looking for a spot, and that I’m just in a hurry, and I tailgate the car in front of me reaaaalllllly closely. This generally freaks out the Virginia suburb pansy driver, and they speed up. This gives me an advantage. Why? Because I can look right down a street and see where any spots might be, and where the faker gaps are. Then, as we approach any possible spot – they’re just too scared that I’m gonna bang into them to slow down…… and ta-da! I have a parking spot. Welcome to the parking spot game.